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Making Music [28 Sep 2009|01:01am]
A flame that needs re-ignition.
I miss it much.
[ 1 ] Breathe [memories] [edit]

Freedom Reigns [13 Aug 2009|08:42am]
Freedom reigns in this place
In my heart
Nothing can ever stop me from loving You
In its truest form
[ 1 ] Breathe [memories] [edit]

Changes [07 Aug 2009|02:58pm]
There will be changes made.
Lord, with your strength I will.
Thanks S, for waking me up.
Breathe [memories] [edit]

Claiming It [30 Jul 2009|11:08pm]
It's been spoken. Now it's the time to claim it in Jesus' name.
I believe so, and I'm excited.
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Responsibilities [28 Jul 2009|11:17pm]
I know I may sound very whiny and immature saying this, but I seriously do not want every Tuesday to be a cleaning day. It's suppose to be a rest day for me and yet because of the household chores, I find myself tired at the end of the day. In other words, I'm working 8 days straight, out of which one day, I become a domestic helper. Will my social life soon be non-existent?

Why is being responsible so difficult for you?

I'm thoroughly upset right now.
Breathe [memories] [edit]

I'll Admit It [21 Jul 2009|08:49am]
First time blogging using the Google chrome browser. Looks funny. Okay, random.

重点, I'm into my 3rd week of work and all I can say is.. I'm really happy where I am now. Praise God. Really, God has been so kind to me, opening door after door, and I feel it sooo right in me that He's placed me where I'm suppose to be - somewhere I can stretch and grow. Praise Jesus.

I've been overwhelmed and busy with work. Knowing me, I won't stop sometimes. Wanna see change happen fast, but I'm just taking it slow, and each time I get piled with work, I'd sit down to think for a minute. It's funny how it never used to be like this. Perhaps it's because now, I'm 3 persons in one. Think Jodi, Shannon and myself in one job.

Anywho, I'm basically just rambling on and on because I have nothing better to do in this early morning of an off-day. Yes, surprisingly, I can't even sleep in even when I want to.

The people at there are AMAZING and AWESOME. They are really nice and friendly to me. No room for awkwardness or anything like that, wanting me to fit in perfectly, as quickly as possible. Especially the youth there. Hahaha, feels like I've known them a long time. Playful, mischievious and hilarious bunch. Chillin' with them Wednesday and attending a party Thurs. Wow.

My life sure is happening. But all I can say is, without God, this wouldn't have been possible at all.
Breathe [memories] [edit]

Go Go Fighting! [04 Jul 2009|04:40pm]
Hmmm...

I'm officially employed now? Haha. Well technically, I haven't signed the letter of appointment yet, but it's all in good time. I'm excited, although just hearing the amount of work I would be doing just kindaf overwhelmed me and brought stress. Know why? Cos' this really signifies a "moving on" in life.

Coupled with other things to really look forward to, the future no longer looks bleak and uncertain.

Suffice to say, I'm thankful for God's grace and mercy on my life. Thankful for where and what He has brought me through. It's a trust issue, and I need to be trusting(:

I'm ready for the challenge! Let's go!
[ 3 ] Breathe [memories] [edit]

Let It Out [29 Jun 2009|10:17pm]
Okay, so two entries in one day? This is so unlike me, but I really cannot take this lying down anymore. Maybe I've been home too much with nothing to do that I've been thinking way over my head.

Seriously, I feel cheated as a friend. Or rather, was I really your friend with no ulterior motives? Because your motives for being my friend are highly questionable. Just the way you put across your questions expecting me to know the answer when really, will you even believe what I say, makes no sense to me.

After what's happened, I don't even feel like talking to you anymore. Why? Cause' I'm not even sure why you want to be friends with me. Think back will you? I was always there for you, to hear you out, listen to you, gave you my two cents' worth and made myself available for you as and when. But it has been and perhaps will always be about you. Even where we are now, has been because of you. Yeah, I may be at fault too, but it's time for you to be a little more thoughtful about others.

If you have no idea where to go from here, here's my piece of advice - Don't harbour even a hint of bitterness. Then perhaps we can be on talking terms again and rebuild this broken friendship. I hate to see you this way and hate what we've become. But I really can't take it any longer. I'm sorry that I'm this frank.
Breathe [memories] [edit]

I'd Leave You Alone [29 Jun 2009|02:32pm]

Standing out in the rain
Need to know if it's over
Cos' I would leave you alone



Maybe I should give up

Breathe [memories] [edit]

Jon Acuff's Twitter Entry [16 Jun 2009|11:29am]
This is really amusing. Hahaha. Gotta hand it to Jon Acuff for coming up with this. Wonder where he gets inspired. It's so funny.

Writing twitter messages that sound 14% holier than you usually are.

Breathe [memories] [edit]

Sweet Beginnings Do Arise [11 Jun 2009|01:52pm]
Would you believe me if I said that I have actually gone through life and I know what's going to happen in the future?

When I went for the camp, I kind of dreaded it because, even though I knew really minimal what it was about, I still couldn't fully grasp the picture of playing a life simulation game. Am I going to live like how I am living now? Or will I dare to do things that I had never done before, or was never able to do in reality?

Suffice to say, my "life" went about aimlessly. It was all about just meeting my basic needs and going to work. I did go to church and gave my tithes regularly, but it was just that. I could say I decided to live my life totally opposite of what I am living in reality.

I was passive in almost everything, living as a survivor in society, not wanting to find out if there was anything more to it than that. Maybe I wanted to feel what it was like to live like that. So when the time came about for me to die, I realised that, I was lost. Even though I knew what was going on, I was lost. Because the time came abruptly and I didnt know what to do. I was scared. And I realised that I had actually missed out the most important thing in life.

And that was when I realised too, that this is how my friends are going to feel when they dont know who Jesus is. My heart broke at the thought of this. And this was a point where I knew that, I could've had done things differently, and I regretted not doing it. That really stuck to me at the end of the game. You could say that my world got rocked that day because I finally understood how short life is and how time is precious. How we will never know when we are going to die, or when Christ is coming, or when/ if we will die first. Sometimes it will happen just like that. Cos' it really will just happen and when it does, would I be able to say I know where I am going or what I have just done in my life has been fulfilling?

It's quite accurate to say that I was very shakened until service that evening, at the back of my head, it was a constant thought. So during service, when Pastor John Kwan was sharing and asking if there was anyone who wanted to give their lives to the Lord fulltime, I was amongst the few who went up to the altar. Initially, I didn't think I would go up to the altar, but as the song kept playing and the image on the screen was a wheat field, I was reminded of the convenant I made with God 2 years ago - that if He saw me through my Poly, I would give the rest of my life to fulfill His ministry and calling. I started to tear and cry. It was only until Aunty Jenny put her hand on my back did I know that I had to go up. So I went up. And there, God confirmed my calling and confirmed that the time is now. Because there really is no other time than now. All these while, I've been waiting and waiting for a clear direction in life after being back from the Dream Center. But what was I waiting for?

I received my answer Tuesday night and it was the most amazing thing ever. I feel so peaceful, suddenly I have so much joy and happiness. No longer do I feel bitter about my life and the people around me. And I understood that everything that has happened before happened for a reason and looking back, they all fell into place to pave the direction in where I am going now.
[ 2 ] Breathe [memories] [edit]

A Narrative of A Dream [02 Jun 2009|06:00pm]
Dreams whilst sleeping are very normal for me. Simply said, a dreamless night would be a very rare sight. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night, only to fall asleep and continue the dream. Other times, I would have multiple dreams without waking up. Sometimes I would remember them to the slightest detail. Sometimes I try to remember but fail. I don't know why I dream so much. Maybe it's because I think a lot in the day or I day-dream too much in the day. Anyway, the following is a dream I had last night that is still at the back of my head.

"Hi, there's been a fire at the High School.. I'm not sure if anyone's been injured." We heard a female's voice from the receiver reporting what seemed to be the trouble. The fire department were notified and dispatched. My partners and I made our way down to the scene for investigation.

It was in the bathroom that we discovered signs of arson. Oil spills and pills were scattered around the floor that confirmed our speculation. However, the information that had us taken aback was hearing our informant report that a witness had seen the very same girl who had called us, purchasing those very items that caused the fire. We immediately took off in search of the girl who had already fled the scene. Through various contacts, we found out she was going back to her mother's place.

---

Hopping on the train, the anonymous girl stood amongst the crowd. She took out her cell and began dialling a number. The moment she had the receiver in her ears, someone from the other side answered. A lady's voice, more mature and older was heard railing at the girl. Coupled with the volume of the cell, it was no wonder that passengers standing next to her were able to listen in to the conversation. The yelling went about for another 2 minutes, with a pause in between. There was an ending pause which seemed like the end of the conversation. However, the same mature voice spoke up again, this time calm and soothing. "I need you to do one more thing for me." A sinister smile crept up.

---

Arriving at the given address of the mother's place, we cautiously went into action, searching the place. As the garage door opened slowly, we saw a body with all its bones disjointed and twisted leaning against a wall. Our shock was overwhelmed with relieve when we realised it was only a wooden mannequin. As we walked into a door the led towards a darkened room, we saw similar mannequins laying all around. They were also disjointed and twisted. It was a certainly disturbing room to walk into. Yet, in the very same room, we chanced upon another scene of crime. A woman's body has been discovered. She appeared to be in her early fifties. Her position was somewhat in a similar stance as one of the wooden mannequin. However, it was one that was lying on the floor in pools of blood. There was blood everywhere. Across one side of the wall were layers of barb wire stringed across the whole wall. Apparently, someone had pushed her against the wall multiple times as that would explain the cuts on her body. The victim was identified as the mother of the girl we were looking for. We received information that the girl has left the premises and was headed to a public water theme park. We took off immediately as we realised that this girl is mentally unstable and highly dangerous.

We parked our car hastily and went in search of the girl. Our team split up with each of us going in a different direction. One of my partners found the girl and began chasing her. I was speaking to a few girls who might have seen her. Our paths crossed. The girl signaled for the girls I was speaking to, to follow her. They all ran towards the distance and I did not give chase. My partner caught up with me and exclaimed "Why didn't you go after them?" My reply, somewhat ridiculous was "You know I can't run." In response, he said "You have to! Come on, let's go!" Both of us picked up pace and tried to locate the girl. We crossed a water park ride and were walking into garden-like trellises. We saw the girls who were following the girl walking out slowly, they looked different as if they had exchanged clothing. Because the girls had similar faces as the girl, we began to realise she could have camouflaged herself within that group and almost ran after them until we finally saw her standing there.

"You've got no where to run. Please come with us." I called out to her. From out of nowhere, she was suddenly holding on to a certain length of barb wire. She began to attack us to no avail. "You're going to lose in this game if you keep up with it." I said. In response, she dropped her weapon and charged towards me exclaiming in derange "I'm not a loser!" I blocked her attempts to punch me and held on to both her fists. We finally got her down and she went delirious, struggling to break free. My partner held her down from the back while the other took over my position of holding down her hands.

I reached out to her and tried to calm her down. I stroke her cheeks which were now wet with both sweat and tears. "No. You are not a loser. You have never been a loser. It's okay, it's okay. You're safe now. Please, trust me. I'm here to help you." I said soothingly. "Come with us." She was finally calmed down and nodded her head. My partner who held her hands down released her hands and began to lead the way out of the park. My other partner escorted her, while I took hold of her weapon and followed suit.

On the way to the exit, we were required to swim to get to the other end and I had difficulty keeping the barb wire safe from other people around the water park. In fact, I had cut myself on my feet prior to going into the water, hence knew how much it hurt. My partner had gone far ahead of us and I tried to catch up with her, leaving my other partner with the girl. It had started to rain and the weather turned cold. I was only able to locate her at the parking lot and she was waiting for us. I stood by her, waiting for our partner and the girl to join us, when my partner turned to me and asked me "How did you know she was facing self esteem issues which has led to this?" I couldn't explain it myself but managed to say "It just came to me. I sensed it. There was no other reasons for her actions unless she held on to the bitterness of people calling her names and labeling her. Which is why she took it out on those wooden mannequins and finally the school where it all began. As for her mom, it remains a mystery still." The two finally joined us and we began to make our way to the car.


Everything else became blurry after that. I recall waking up and dreaming another dream. I had to blog about this because it has been disturbing me. The disjointed mannequins, the barb wire, the girl and how I could explain her actions. And if you hadn't known yet, the mom actually asked her to kill her. I don't know why. It's scary and disturbing... And yes, my dream was that detailed. See what I mean? Okay. Bye.
[ 6 ] Breathe [memories] [edit]

My Pursuit For Love [31 May 2009|11:31pm]
...
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Something Awesome [29 May 2009|08:16am]
This is something really awesome and should be worth pondering about. Glad that MM posted it on her facebook.

A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man has to seek God to find it.
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Just A Thought [28 May 2009|03:33pm]
If I could blog every moment my mind thinks of something to say, I would be in a lot of trouble.

On a much lighter note, I like being happy. And I would like to be happy.
[ 3 ] Breathe [memories] [edit]

(Can't Think of Anything Appropriate) [20 May 2009|10:43pm]
It has amount to this again.
What's wrong with me. (Note: It isn't a question.)

Okay!
Tomorrow will be better(:

And hopefully, it will be better when ...
Breathe [memories] [edit]

"Misunderstood" [14 May 2009|12:18am]
This is one of my once in a while random entries about nothing that concerns me in particular...

Leaders are often misunderstood by others around them. Their motives are always questioned and doubts often arise. Their actions are being scrutinized especially more by the public's eye and judgements, regardless of it being conscious or not are placed upon them.

And some people get so caught up in their prejudices that when other notice a change in the leader, they don't. When the leader moves on along with others who have seen change and have rid themselves of their own critic, they don't. No matter how much others try to convince them otherwise and that perhaps the phrase "a leopard never changes its spots" doesn't apply here, they don't.

I guess "distrust" is an understatement because trust was never there in the first place to begin with. Which is why things snowballed negatively beyond salvage.

But a leader never gives up, he isn't made for giving up. He will pick up the scrapes and try again. He will try not because he needs to keep up with his image, but because the Father told him too. Because he knows who he draws strength from, he knows who chose him and who watches over him.

So when the leader moves on, will you? Do you know how to be appreciative of all the efforts he's been putting in? Do you know the frustrations he goes through thinking for/ about you? Do you even see? Will your eyes finally be open to see that even your leader is human like you and will falter, but you need to support him and trust him and know he will bounce back stronger? Do you even know who he is?

Come on now, be honest. You don't do you? Because you have been so clouded with your own judgements to know and discern wisely. Even while reading this, you're passing snideful remarks in your head.

Be thankful.


Cousin proved a point to me yesterday - everyone is misunderstood.
My reasoning is - Because we all haven't been honest.
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Move On [08 May 2009|10:11am]
"People changed Vick. You did too. Suck it up and move on, with or without them."

thanks
[ 4 ] Breathe [memories] [edit]

Stuff Christians Like [07 May 2009|02:53pm]
What can I say? I've got to hand it to Jon Acuff to make me laugh despite everything. You should read Stuff Christians Like sometimes. No, seriously, you should. Hahaha. What he said about his daughter's Noah's ark puzzle simply cracked me up.

On a side note, I'm starting to get a hang of "it", yet sometimes, the turmoil inside is just stirring. So what? I hate to have to question myself and intentions. Cos' it means something's wrong with me. No doubt, it's a good thing, but... nevermind. My nonsensical bantering shall end here.
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Note to Self [03 May 2009|11:05pm]
I'm sick and tired of everything that's happening in your life. It's all been nothing but ridiculous and it's enough. Stop trying to convince yourself that you're okay. Stop with that artificial self. No amount of reasons are "good" enough to justify your actions. And anything you say now is just bull. It just all boils down to this - you don't want it bad enough do you? Cos' you don't even have enough conviction to do so.

let it go vicks
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